“ZIP IT!”: In Which Fred Wilpon Channels Dr. Evil

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Fred Wilpon was talking the other day, and I just can’t get his words out of my head:

“Sandy comes to us and tells us what he needs. Sandy isn’t a guy who is just going to sign players. For instance, with Michael Bourn, it wasn’t about money. From the beginning he said he wasn’t going to do it if it cost the draft pick. I said, ‘Stick to it.’ He said he wasn’t going to a fifth year. I said, ‘Stick to it!’”

Excellent advice — if your intention is to fall short in the bargaining process.

Fred’s words reminded me of something that I couldn’t put my finger on, and it nagged at me for a few hours. I kept imagining the conversation in Fred’s bunker, Sandy talking it over with his boss, and Fred repeating, over and over, “Stick to It!”

Then I got it.

I’m guessing the conversation went like this:

SANDY: I know we’re in for a world of trouble with that outfield this season, but I’m not going to sign Michael Bourn if it costs a draft pick.

FRED: Stick to it!

SANDY: And I’m definitely not going to go a fifth year.

FRED: Stick to it!

SANDY: But on the other hand, when you weigh the comparative value of a pick versus our current outfield situa —

FRED: Alright, zip it!

SANDY: It might mean the difference between having a legitimate —

FRED: Zip It! Ziiiiiiiiip.

SANDY: In terms of the fans, maybe we —

FRED: Look, I’m Zippy Longstocking!

winter-s-bone-oscar-nominations

SANDY: Fred, I realize it’s a lot of money —

FRED: When a player comes along, you must zip it! ZIP IT GOOD!

SANDY (shakes head): You’re like a child, you know that?

FRED: Knock-knock.

SANDY (sighs): Who’s there?

FRED: Stick to it!

SANDY: Can you plea —

FRED: Zip. It! (Turns to Saul Katz.) Unveil the time portal . . .

 

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8 comments

  1. Michael Geus says:

    I always thought Katz was Dr. Evil?

      • Eric says:

        Fred has announced that he NO LONGER has a Money Problem.

        For the past several years he has said that THERE IS NOT A MONEY PROBLEM.

        So what’s the point of focusing on Fred’s Statements?….focus on what they DO as an organization. So far, WHAT THEY DO is focused on Shedding Payroll as a primary goal.

        If you see a Santana Trade at mid season, it will indicate where the franchise IS money wise. Do they shed 12-15 million of salary for a system filler, or do they absorb the balance of Santana’s Salary and get a real player?….that will be the idcator—nothing else matters.

        • Eric, I totally agree with you. Actions speak louder than words. I just felt in this case that it was funny how the words and inaction fit so perfectly together. The big word that everybody who supports Alderson — and I mean, the folks who support EVERYTHING he does — is “patience.” Such a noble trait. Alderson is showing patience. It is the quality that washes clean all sins. Or all wins, I’m not sure. I’m growing sick of that word. (But, of course, that makes me “impatient” or, in other words, “a neanderthal.”) In the case of Bourn, Alderson “stuck to his guns,” showed great “patience,” and “kept to THE PLAN.” Which, again, appears to be taken from the Pittsburgh Pirates’ playbook.

        • Michael Geus says:

          Although we love to joke around here, when we are able to stay serious we agree, and we posted very similar sentiments on Thursday to yours. In other words, great comment!

  2. Alan K. says:

    As an aside, Mr. Met is annoying the hell out of me. This year his image is on the spring training caps. I can live with him as entertainment for the kids at games, but does he have to be the focal part of every publicity photo and marketing campaign? They should be marketing their players instead of that stupid mascot!

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