I went to the last game of our prior homestand with my friend Vinnie, and we both decided we needed to get together and do it a few more times before the year ended. The Mets won 11-3 that day and we had a lot of fun. That’s right folks, P.T. Barnum was talking about me. When leaving, the two of us quickly setup the days on our calendars. Then something hit Vinnie,
“Wait, what if Dice-K is pitching?”
“Oh, true,” I said, “I forgot about that. If that happens we’ll just go somewhere else, get something to eat.”
I may be a sucker, but I’m not certifiably crazy.
But let’s be honest, if the plan is to kill time while Mr. Matsusaka toils on the mound a meal is not enough. Three courses, bad service, maybe you get to the fourth inning. There is time to do so much more. So yes, because no one asked for it, here is the Top Ten Things You Can Do Instead of Watching Dice-K.
10. Paint your living room. Now watch the paint dry.
9. Wait for Bernie Madoff’s prison sentence to expire.
8.Take Procede as directed. Grow hair.
7. Tell the wife or the girlfriend or boyfriend (or whatever the hell you’ve got, we don’t care!), “You know, I’m not gonna watch the game tonight, sweetie. I want to spend more quality time with you.”
6. Attend Frank Francisco’s mentoring program.
5. Watch Sharknado. Twice.
4. Solve the mystery of the missing Gyroball.
3. Take up drinking (no wait, that would fit under Things You Can Do While Watching Dice-K.)
2. Call everyone you laughed at that watches fishing on TV. Apologize.
1. Wait till next year