It came on Monday in a rapid series of three texts from my 20-year-old son.
“Why did you raise me a Mets fan?”
“We just can’t win.”
I didn’t have a good reply.
All three of my children, you see, ages 20, 14, and 12, are Mets fans. Not like they had a choice. Here at “2 Guys,” we’ve long maintained . . .
If you can’t brainwash you’re own children, what kind of parent are you?
Let’s face facts. It hasn’t been a super-happy experience for them. There have been times when I’ve looked over at my moist-eyed children, the heartbroken boys especially, and said, “I’m so sorry.”
- I’m sorry for another lackluster season.
- I’m sorry there’s no joy in Mudville.
- I’m sorry the kids laugh at you in school.
- I’m sorry that other kids beat you up, and throw rocks at you, and urinate in your backpacks.
- I’m sorry for the Jason Bay t-shirt I got you a few Christmases back.
- I’m sorry that the very concept of “Jeff Wilpon” has wormed its way into your bright, young, innocent hearts.
- I’m sorry that you’ve had to learn that hope is not to be trusted, ever.
- I’m sorry for Armando Benetiz, for Braden Looper, for Frank Francisco. . . for every guy who ever blew a lead and crushed your tender hearts.
- I’m sorry for the collapse of 2007, and the collapse of 2008, and pretty much most of 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013 — and counting.
- I’m sorry for all the lies from management, year after year.
- I’m sorry we’ve ever had to discuss a bum like Bernie Madoff.
- I’m sorry about the replica Marlon Byrd sunglasses.
I’m sorry to you, Nick, most especially, for you are the oldest and have suffered the longest. I’m most sorry for your 13th birthday party at Shea, May 7, 2006, when we drove from Albany with a small group of your friends to see the Braves play the Mets. The pitching matchup that fateful day was John Smoltz vs. the late, not-so-great, Jose Lima. We couldn’t shake that cold feeling of dread on the way down, because we knew it would be baaaaad. And it was. Losing 8-1 after 5 1/2 innings. Down 13-1 after 6 1/2. Saddest party ever. But remember, son: we went bowling the next year!
* I am sorry, so sorry, for the heartbreak of Matt Harvey’s injury.
- I’m sorry for the brainwashing, for all the losing, for everything. But even so, kids, let’s remember the words of the great Roger Kahn. He was writing about the Brooklyn Dodgers, but no matter, because the Dodgers were the spiritual antecedents of our beloved Mets:
“You may glory in a team triumphant, but you fall in love with a team in defeat.” — Roger Kahn, The Boys of Summer