2 Guys Talking: Ringing in the New Year

Jimmy:

Wow, holy smokes, what a holiday — that Zima will F you up!

Ha. I mean to say, Happy New Years, Mike. To quote Tom Hanks, “May your balls be plentiful.”

Hey, did you see that Fred Wilpon made “New York’s Most Loathed List“? I was disappointed. I thought the list would include people like Hitler, Pol Pot, and that guy from American Idol, not just Mark Sanchez, Nick Swisher, and Mike Tannenbaum.

Mike:

What a brutal list. I’m willing to accept A-Rod before Fred and Jeff, I guess. People hate him. But Mike D’Antoni at number five? I’m a Knick fan and I’m thrilled with Mike D’Antoni right now, he is right where I want him — all the way across the country. Dwight Howard? Poor Mark Sanchez? Please. I’m a Jet fan and I can’t see how anyone could be mad at this guy. Hey, I wanted him out of there, but mostly out of pity. Hatred? Really? Whoever did this list, they must have been hitting the Zima.

Jimmy:

You know, we joked about suffering from PMS — Post-Madoff Syndrome. This idea that we finally seem to have two nickels in our pocket, but we’re afraid to spend ‘em. And it’s true, I feel bloated, achy, irritable. And by the way, YOU ARE TRACKING DIRT ALL OVER THE RUG!!!

Mike:

I’ve told you before, I can’t take off my shoes, I have a potential foot odor issue. As for your PMS, I have a different malady. It’s called, “Enough Already.” Rolls right off the tongue. Look, I get it, Cody Ross is not going to be the guy who takes us to the promised land. Or Shaun Marcum. Etc.

But do the math, the payroll is down again. Again. WTF!!! I’m not suggesting we go crazy, but it is a joke if this payroll goes down again when payrolls overall are clearly rising. And it is a bigger joke to think that a two-year commitment to Marcum will hamstring us in 2014. How exactly? If he is good he will help us in 2014, if he is hurt we will only be out money. Half of which would be spent in 2013. And in 2014 our current commitments are so low it is crazy. There is Wright and then there is??? Who are we saving the money for? I checked, Babe Ruth and Cy Young are not becoming free agents next year.

Jimmy:

Mike, remember your blood pressure . . .

Mike:

Worst of all, Wright and Bay shifted money out of 2013 to 2014 and beyond. So somebody riddle me this. If we can’t deal with a Ross or Marcum because we are saving every last penny for glorious 2014, then why did we shift any existing salary outward?

So I’m calling bullshit, again, on Fred and Jeff. Look, maybe moves are still coming but they better. I know exactly what these bastards charge for tickets and I want that payroll for 2013 at $100 million, which is still chump change.

If the combination of Alderson, Howard, Ricco, DePodesta, and Ricciardi cannot figure out how to do that without blowing up a plan for the future then shame on them. Period.

Or, to put it another way, I would NOT have A-Rod number one on my most loathed list.

Jimmy:

The good news is that I read Sandy is currently searching for relievers. He was spotted near a Dumpster in an alley behind the Pu Pu Hot Pot Chinese Restaurant. So I think we’re gonna be okay.

Mike:

I love that place!

Jimmy:

Figures you eat there.

Mike:

You know, Jimmy, this may be the Zima talking (new blog name — 2 Guys Under the Influence of Zima?) but I’m feeling a breakout season from Parnell. He has that power arm, and for over a year now there has been so many glimpses of what he can be. He has the stuff to be a big time arm in the pen for a few years and so here is my first 2013 prediction. A big year from Bobby Parnell.

As for the dumpster diving, it’s the way to go. Just don’t pay steak prices for hamburger (i.e.: Carrasco).

Jimmy:

Another analogy hit me this morning, Mike. I was reminded of all those folks who survived the Great Depression. Remember them? Tough old birds who never wasted a thing. We both know the type, the grandmother who ate apple cores and filled fat books with green stamps. That breed didn’t like to spend either. But kidding aside, I’m at a place where I really don’t blame Sandy for being under-whelmed by the players available, and the prices they are hoping to get. Just because we have two nickels doesn’t mean we have to throw them away. Spending on inferior talent seems like such a waste. You’d say, “Save it for a rainy day,” except that it’s impossible to trust the Wilpons to do the right thing. Like so many fans, I have zero faith, trust, respect in ownership.

Mike:

I ranted on this above and that is the thing, Jimmy. If we could trust our ownership it would be much easier to understand. And sure I am also underwhelmed by these guys. But keep in mind, this is also due to the Wilpons. We are looking at the type of free agents that small market teams end up settling for. They will all have flaws, that is why they are not at the higher end of the market. But sometimes these guys work out, and most of them are just flat-out better players than people on our 25 man roster. I’m not looking for miracles in 2013 — but give us something.

Enough Already!

Jimmy:

Aaron Laffey can’t throw, by the way. I mean, I understand the nature of these marginal signings, but have you looked at this guy’s career? He has no control and can’t strike anybody out. When you get dumped by the Indians and the Mariners, well, that’s a sign from God on High: He’s holding a placard that reads, “Give it up, dirtbag!” Or, no, perhaps that was just a Met fan of the Future. Anyway, a benevolent Lord would probably just suggest a different occupation — a trade school, perhaps.

Mike:

I mentioned this name the other day. Pat Misch. But like Misch, he throws with that other hand. So, you never know. I’m fine with this signing, less fine that right now he has a strong chance to make the roster out of spring training.

Pat Misch loogie, not to be confused with Pat Misch, loogy.

Jimmy:

In case you missed it, Joe D of Metsmerized recently dug up this great photo of Mo Vaughn, while memorializing the Vaughn-Appier debacle. I believe the photo was taken sometime before Mo famously ate second base, having mistaken it for a thin mint. Oh well. I always felt sorry for Mo, and genuinely liked him . . . before he ate Manhattan. Poor Mo was a good guy, and a special talent, at the wrong time in his career. That happens to the Mets a lot.

Carnegie Deli’s “Mo-Licious” sandwich.

Mike:

Hey, there were things about Mo I really liked. For instance, he made me feel better about my own weight.

Jimmy:

You know, Mike, let’s be happy for a minute. We started this blog at the end of the 2012 season and lo, here we are, still blogging the blogness. And slowly but surely, readers are finding us. I’m happy about that, and grateful to anybody who swings by.

Mike:

Yes indeed. And so with 2012 almost behind us, let me toast all of our readers and genuinely thank them. If you have made it to the end of this post you are truly dedicated.

To our readers!

Happy 2013!

I’ve only had two of these, so can only personally vouch for the Woodford Reserve and Buffalo Trace — if there’s no Zima around, of course. Happy New Years, folks. We are sincerely grateful you stopped by.

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2 comments

  1. It not even 2013 yet and I wish this years season was over!

  2. DD says:

    Zima: I received three separate gifts of booze this Christmas (not counting quite a few bottles of wine, the giving of which I will do nothing to dissuade).

    They consisted of a bottle of some fancy rum in a thing that looks like a lamplighter’s lantern, a gift box of Chevas packed with two glasses which I will pitch if we ever have someone over who drinks Scotch, and a bottle of Polish vodka which was ruined by seeping buffalo grass in it. I don’t drink any of that stuff.

    It’s bad enough to be identified as a souse. I seem to have been identified as some other souse, which, it seems to me, is a clear instance of profiling.

    Happy New Year, youse guys.

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